I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
