i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
