I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
