YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
