dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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