i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
