so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
