I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
