Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
