me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
