You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
