"it" just moved
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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