I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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