Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
