i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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