hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
