Got a toothbrush?
Your tits are I can't wait for
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
