Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
