So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
