saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
