I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
