I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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