Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
