Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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