he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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