some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
