I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
