Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
