Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
