and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
