Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
