I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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