You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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