bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
