someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I won the penis lottery.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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