david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
