but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
