I'm so fucking centered right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
