Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
