I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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