We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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