he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
