I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
