My room smells like vodka and shame
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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