dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
