Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
