it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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