used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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