Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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