his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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