there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
